Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in December. If you told me this five years ago, I would never believe you. He's the healthy one in the family; he's our rock, our anchor. Without him at full strength, who knows what will happen to the family. I desperately hope that his symptoms progress slowly. Thus far he has only a resting tremor in his left arm. The doctors assure us, like anything else, is best caught early on, but I'm unsure. I've never seen my father look so old. He's always been extremely youthful, and full of life. I swear the man never rests, the Energizer Bunny... even when he's off of work, he is working.
Working on the house, on the yard, on windows, and cleaning other people's messes. And for what? Us. My siblings and I, my mother... the cats (of course). For us to live the way he believes we deserve, my father breaks his back. I can never ever repay the man, except in the happiness I exude in his presence. I think that's the only way that he can see how proud of him I am, and how grateful. He is honestly the best man I know, or ever hope to know and I am beyond blessed to have him for a dad.
No other man can measure up to a woman's Daddy, but some go above and beyond, like mine. With this illness looming over our futures, my family and mine, the only think I can think to do is to make the best of today. I sit a little longer with him, listen more carefully to his words, try to memorize every moment we share for the gray days ahead. Then I can say, "Dad, do you remember those nights we listened to Styx for hours in the van in front of my apartment building, even though it was freezing cold outside and the car was off?"
Recently, I've begun to wonder if he notices my efforts. I'll put on more and more songs for us to sing along with, I ask him more questions about his thoughts on things, I try to stretch the time we spend together further and further. If anything, I just hope he enjoys it as much as I do.
In other news
Really though guys, I just can't think to much about my father's situation without falling into a deep depression. I just need to keep strong for him.
Anyways, hey did you know it's February?
Holy chit ladies and gents, when did that happen?
My birthday is just around the corner and I'm trying to decide what I'd like to do.
Plan A:
Day drinking at bowling alley
Primanti's
Back to my house for pre-gaming
Sideline's
Party at my place
Plan B:
Day drinking at my place
Video games galore
Pregaming
Sideline's
Party at my place
Either way, I just want to spend the day with my best friends. Things have been so weird and I feel like I'm back in hermit mode, or as I like to call it : exile.
Maybe not forced exile, like the situation I'm in with most of my friends, but a mutual failure to live. Let me explain, at this age we are all either in debt, broke, stranded, or working. I happen to be the lovely super combo: no car, no money, in debt from college, and a workaholic (with two jobs). My friends are combinations of those things as well which means we all apply some sort of restrictions on ourselves, or we are forced into a schedule we cannot break.
It is the most impossible trap to crawl out of, something has to give, but no one can afford to make a move. Plans, unfortunately are the easiest thing to give up.
I'm rooting for Spring to get here, to let the light back into our gray world. I'm fed up with the somber pit that has engulfed my spirit. I just want to fly free again, and to live for the memories I will create. Please let a little light shine down on this dismal Steel Jungle.
"Once there was the sun Bright and warm and wonderful Just like the love within my heart Now there's no more sun Winter has killed everything Although it's dark December Forever I'll remember sun"
Hopefully you'll hear from me again soon.
Em
